COPYRIGHT © 2017 Miu
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No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the Author.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All pictures and multimedia used are not the author’s work and doesn’t claim any legal rights.
MATURE CONTENT and VULGAR words not suited for young readers below eighteen (18) years old.
All I ever wanted was to feel love.
My mother didn’t love me as she kept herself busy with her infatuation with my father.
My father didn’t love me as he looked at my mother and me indifferently.
Sometimes I wondered – why they had even married and made me if they didn’t want me?
Without my parent’s love, I quickly learned to take care of myself. To fill the gaps in my heart, I focused all my attention on painting.
When my mother died from depression, I didn’t even shed a tear. It was like watching a stranger lying motionless on the hospital bed.
My father just stared at my mother without any sentiment, not a bit of guilt nor shame of what he did.
I wondered if this what love would do to you?
Just like my mother. She loved my father too much which led her to this state, dying from sadness because the man she devoted all her life didn’t love her back.
That was not love.
It was obsession.
Alright, I knew I had watch too much drama on TV.
When my father remarried, I thought I would finally feel what it was like to be loved by a mother – but clearly, I was still dreaming.
Emma, my stepmother, didn’t hide her loathing and disgust when she looked at me. My father still gazed at me like he didn’t know me. My stepsister, Sophia, treated me like I was below her in everything.
I think I did became rebellious and wild to catch their attention, yet my father still looked at me with disgust while Emma and Sophia still held me in contempt.
Realizing that it was not me who had a problem, but more like, I would never be loved no matter what I would do, I gave up the idea of a one whole happy family.
When Nicholas Farrell came into my life, I thought I could finally feel that love that I so craved – but then again, I was just apparently dreaming once more.
He wanted me to be a girl that I was not. He wanted me to be gentle and noble like other girls. He wanted me to speak and act like other girls. He wanted me to wear dresses and skirts like other girls. He wanted me to grow my hair long like other girls.
Knowing it was stupid, yet I still did it.
I lost my sense of self and accepted the version of me that was expected by everyone.
Until I met her.
She didn’t care about her reputation while she lived a carefree life. Devoid of people’s acceptance and judgment. Her lazy no care attitude baffled me. She was openly being mocked and judged by so many people, and yet, she was still the happiest person I know.
It dawned on me that she was happy because she was just simply happy with herself. She knew her worth and didn’t need anyone to affirm it.
When Nicholas broke off our engagement, all I felt was anger on wasting too much time on him.
Maybe I was not in love with him after all, but in love with the idea of love instead.
Braking off the engagement. I felt free. Free from all the things that suffocated me. Free from all this pretending to be ladylike shit. Free from the shackles that were holding me back to be happy.
Without a second thought, I packed my things and applied to live in the dorms. Away from all the negative people in my life.
Best decision I ever made.
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