Grade school was a time of immaturity, and the inner child in you took control. High school was a period of self-esteem, acceptance, and forming relationships.

I was no exception to the rule. Although I love solitude, I still had my group of friends. The only thing was, I didn’t give one hundred percent in forming deeper relationships due to my trust issues.

Seasons come and go like the people in my life. I didn’t miss them, nor did I care about them. I liked it that way –– less drama.

In the province, things like computers were not yet widely used though cell phones were widespread and common.

Computers became a daily necessity in my life when I entered college. College life was hectic, maybe because I was crazy enough to choose Architecture as my degree. Sometimes, every so often, I didn’t sleep for three days and ate one time a day or even not eat at all, just to finish my projects on time. It was a miracle I graduated alive.

Growing up being bullied by boys and seeing my maternal male cousins drinking, smoking, and wasting their life non-stop. I developed a sense of loathing towards men, and if not for my father, I had long lost hope for the male species.

Besides my natural disdain for the opposite sex, I was giving off an intimidating, reserved air, and this ward people off from even approaching me.

Even so, I still admired a couple of men before. I was a female by heart after all who loves beautiful things. But with the flipped of my mood, that feeling was gone. Before it blossomed into a flower, it was ruthlessly plucked out.

So I remained single even in college.

I lived in the province for almost half of my life. After I graduated from college, I moved to the big city to find work. The first five years wasn’t easy. I was broke the entire time. Living independent took a lot from my wallet.

My goal, which was to buy a bigger house for my parents and live an idle life without worrying about bills became an impossible dream.

Year after year, I had grown into an irritated and hot-blooded woman, not to mention I changed my mind every few seconds.

I kept thinking of marrying a rich guy to achieve my dreams, but I didn’t put any effort into finding one. I didn’t go out and party. I hate noisy and crowded places. And even though I have a pretty face, it was always ruined from the way I dress and carry myself.

Before I knew it, I was already past my expiration date, as they call it.

I wasted half my life at school that didn’t teach me how to survive in this man-eat-man world while the other half was spent in a stressful workplace.

I just wanted to draw and create beautiful things, but it turned complicated because of the many matters to take into consideration when designing until my passion for what I love dried out.

When I accumulated enough experience to warrant me a high salary, it was already too late. My family died one after the other, and all that money went to hospital bills and medicines.

It was too late for regrets. I was at death’s door, at a homecare, alone and dying . . .

THEN I WOKE UP.